I met this guy ten years ago and despite huge differences we are still going strong.
They say opposites attract each other , there were times I disagree with this cliché. Because how could two individuals enjoy their oneness if they spend their time fighting about the same thing over and over again ? It was a never-ending battle of who is right and wrong between us. Every so often we turned a major life events into a worthless madness just because our ideals were not met. Such misery.
We take ourselves so seriously, that we are so absurdly important in our own minds, is a problem for us. We feel justified in being annoyed with everything. We feel justified in denigrating ourselves or in feeling that we are more clever than other people. Self – importance hurts us, limiting us to the narrow world of our own likes and dislikes. We end up bored to death with ourselves and our world. We end up never satisfied.
Pema Chödrön ( The Places that Scare You )
I am reading this book now and I think it’s fitting to say we were trapped by our own ego and expectations. Then we probably realized that it’s not cool anymore.
First, I stopped being pathetic and emotionally needy. I’m not the center of the universe , i must know that. And if husband is not comfortable with that, I should give that space to him. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me as much as I do. Again, that’s just pathetic to think that way.
We were born and raised in a completely different environments . He has a good family background while mine is a mixed of heaven and hell. I react to things extremely and I expected him to always sympathize with me. If I find comfort being ill , why would I make my husband adopt that unhealthy approach ? I keep those drama myself and it’s totally fine . I found out I am better weeping alone than trying to make husband understands my complexity. He doesn’t deserve all that drama.
Then there’s this perfectionist side of husband I couldn’t tolerate. He was getting out of hand over little mistakes, sometimes accidental. He would bring up how he is better than everyone else in the house. Not literally but comparing himself to how well he behaves than others is something I don’t want to hear. He didn’t see it as a problem but that’s how he is made. Always prepared, always organized , always right . He is barely emotional and never a mess. He expected people specifically me to show that same “quality” . And I guessed he realized how it affected my mood toward him . But then I believe too that we change ourselves for the better when our heart and mind are fully ready not only because your partner or others said so . We can however be a great tool to help them assess their flaws and be their inspiration to improve.
He is a little relax now when awful things happen. He tries to be thoughtful to my feelings before he utters another unpleasant words. Me on the other hand is trying not to be overly sensitive .
Well, I’m an emotional junkie and he is an angry perfectionist. That’s the reality , live with it and love it.
Live with it and take it lightly. Don’t waste your energy hating but instead count all the good things about your partner. You chose each other so love him/her “till death do us part” kinda way. Don’t let it ruin your marriage. Eventually you will learn that it’s not that really bad but it will teach us to better ourselves.
How our differences taught us then?
Now as we fully accepted our uniqueness and stopped seeing it as a problem , I realized it looks like we are starting to mirror each other. That aside from our differences, we still enjoy similar activities together. And that at the end of the day, we can’t live a life without the other. ( oh it rhymes! 😅 )