countryside

who owns a backyard with a show of beautiful sunset every night? not many. 

ok.

i’m such a city chic, i craved for malls, modernization, people , fashion , and a fast-paced-full-of-fun life. i couldn’t stand staying home for the whole day. i needed to be out there and finding peace in a crowded loud place. yes , you read it right, the chaos around me is kind of soothing. it was a happy place for me.

then we moved to my husband’s country. he warned me – it will be different, it will be new. i said – oookay. i’ll fit in. i’ll be fine.

i was wrong, those 2 years were one of the hardest. i needed people to keep my company aside from my husband and kids. i didn’t even know before how to cook, and I was not very interested to do all the household chores. our residence is quite far from malls and coffee shops and I don’t drive. i’m the only filipino here in our town ( i was expecting there will be people with same ethnicity nearby ) how will I make friends? and locals speak only french.

i was discouraged. depressed by the fact this is my life now. I started to be homesick and looked back at what life I left behind to be in this foreign country. i kept on complaining, cried many times mainly while husband was at sea for a month or more. i was angry all the time , i couldn’t enjoy 100% those moments spent together with my family. like something was missing. i wanted to go back to the philippines. i wanted my old life in the city. but no, i don’t have other choice. either suck it and stay miserable or accept and learn to embrace it.

i chose the latter.

so 2017 was approaching, i told myself you need a resolution to start anew. how ? i didn’t know. what kind of resolution do i need? to be more patient and accepting with what this life would offer? no. that’s hard . i am naturally stubborn ( my husband said I am his favourite pain-in-the-ass , fyi ) . i was deeply thinking what my 2017 will be and how it will impact positively my dilemma here. maybe , lose weight? i thought it was a funny one. it’s everybody’s resolution . no

then i received a notification on facebook from chantelle . i’ll talk about that next time. but it’s one of the reasons i am living my life now fully. why i appreciate more with all my heart this beautiful place I live in. oh good lord! countryside is amazing here and there.

my eyes are wide open seeing and admiring (finally!) what countryside has been offering me eversince. whoa! was i crazy? all this time I am surrounded by abundance but i didn’t bother to look and own it. i was too fixated with those short-term happiness the city fed me. ok, it was happy days and i still miss it . it is part of me. but — i feel at home now. comfortable and peaceful where mother earth is freely providing us a relaxed setting.  i’m not chasing people anymore, i have my own  and they are the ones that matter. i take it slow everyday. maybe i was too slow to realize that but here i am, i found a new kind of happy.

happiness is broader than what we imagine. we chase people, places and material things to provide us the other kind of happiness. and when the time comes and these are not available anymore , we get mad, we abandon happiness. we punish our own self. we hate everything around us. we forget that there is so much more to life and  we should start embracing it – the joy in solitude and the peace in nature. 

it’s new to me. to love my own company and enjoy the aloneness. i do a lot of stuff now than before. i was boring because for the past 2 years, i spent my free time sitting on the couch spying people on facebook and instgram and got jealous as they have social life and me , nada. just this whole house all by myself while the kids at school and the husband at sea. then i turned to food. bad food. then cried. then blamed husband for all the misery i made myself. blamed him i had noone to talk to or laugh and cry with. depression struck frequently. then there the realization. that there is life here in the countryside. and it’s meaningful and quiet. i am embracing this new life. this life is mine, make it worthwhile .

see that ? i fit in. i’m fine.